ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
