Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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