I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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