I think I just saw someone hide a body.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i think i just lost a toe
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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