I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
