Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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