It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
