Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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