he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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