Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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