i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
