I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Mom said you looked used
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
