I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
