Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
