You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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