Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
