he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
