That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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