She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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