she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
