i jhust puked up my retainher.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
