I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize