Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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