so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
