Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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