What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
