Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
