Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
