no, he came in my armpit
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
