and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
