i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
