The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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