Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You work out of a Hotel?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
