put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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