he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
