It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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