Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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