I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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