I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
