Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
