Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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