I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
