So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
