At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
