it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
