Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sex in a hospital.. check
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
