i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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