when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
