i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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