..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
