I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
