I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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