We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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