For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
