a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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