so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
