tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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