I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
