How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Enjoy the penises
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
