So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
