Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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