No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this beer tastes like vomit already
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize