There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
