is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just had sex bonerless
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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