I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
