You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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