you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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