I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
