i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
