I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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