I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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