It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
