i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
