420 ftw
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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