you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
