I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
