Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
