I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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