i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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