I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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