drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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