she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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