Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
