she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
