Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
