Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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