I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
