he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Someone signed my nipple.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
