At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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