Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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