She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
