You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
