wrigley field is MILF paradise
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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