I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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