Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
