weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
