i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
