the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
