Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm too high and old for this...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
